Gardening Jokes, Quotes and Garden Poems

There are gardening jokes here to make you smile. There are gardening quotes to warm your heart and the garden poems range from witty to wonderous.

garden jokes - pumpkin joke

Many of these items have been sent in by readers and it would be fantastic to read something that YOU sent in!

Maybe you have a favourite quote on flowers or nature that you love?

Possibly you've heard of a silly billy joke about the lot of a gardener?

Or quite likely you love a special poem or can even make up a poem on any number of topics from vegetables, to organics, to nature, pests and howsomewhatevers that grow in this good old earth of ours?

If so, fill in the form at the end of this page and send it through.

squirrels laughing at garden joke

On with the garden jokes, quotes and poems, because...

"When's Honeydew? The Thyme's getting on."

"Crikey it's chilli in here. Let's turnip the heat."

"Does a Bok bring you Choy? Then Lettuce all smile."

My Wife the Gardener

~ Peter (poem in old magazine)

She dug the plot on Monday –
the soil was rich and fine,
She forgot to thaw out dinner –
so we went out to dine...
She planted roses Tuesday –
she says they are a must,
They really are quite lovely
but she quite forgot to dust.
On Wednesday it was daisies –
they opened up with sun,
All whites and pinks and yellows –
but the laundry wasn’t done...
The poppies came on Thursday -
a bright and cherry red,
I guess she really was engrossed –
she never made the bed...
It was violets on Friday –
in colours she adores,
It never bothered her at all –
all crumbs upon the floors
I hired a maid on Saturday –
my week is now complete,
My wife can garden all she wants –
the house will still be neat!
It’s nearly lunchtime Sunday –
and I cannot find the maid,
Oh no! I don’t believe it!
She’s out there WITH THE SPADE!


To a Butterfly

~ William Wordsworth

I've watched you now a full half-hour;
Self-poised upon that yellow flower
And, little Butterfly! Indeed
I know not if you sleep or feed.
How motionless! — not frozen seas
More motionless! and then
What joy awaits you, when the breeze
Hath found you out among the trees,
And calls you forth again!



Two little bunnies, bless their souls,
Go into hiding in their holes,
And they emerge a seething mob,
It must have been an inside job.


The Gardener

I know a gardening man,
Who grows red roses
And catches the caterpillars,
By their noses
He lifts up the beetles
That eat his carrots,
And takes them to the zoo
To feed the parrots.

Junk Vegetables

The elementary school cook prided herself on the healthy meals she provided with lots of vegetables and fruits. When the power failed one day, the cook couldn't serve a hot meal in the cafeteria, so at the last minute she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches.

As one little boy filled his plate, he said, "It's about time. At last -- a home-cooked meal!"


Sleepy Slug

A slug-a-bed snuggled
In somnolent sloom,
When a sobersides slithered
Right into the room,

A frightful slangwhanger
Who banged on the bed
And harangued him and snibbed
At his poor slimsy head,

Squalling:"Time you were spiffy
and slippy and sprack
You slubberdegullion,
You sprag, off your back!"


Gardening Tongue Twisters

Moses supposes his toeses are roses,
But Moses supposes erroneously,
For nobody's toeses are posies of roses
As Moses supposes his toeses to be.

Did Doug dig Dick's garden or did Dick dig Doug's garden?

Theophilus Thistler, the thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve of unsifted thistles, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb.

From ~
Diction Exercises


I want to Grow poem

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